Much of the chaos in our lives is out of our control – house needs to be clean, work done, kids gotten ready for school, appointments kept, and on, and on…

But some of the chaos we bring onto ourselves by over-obligating ourselves when we really shouldn’t. Some of us are people pleasers who never want to feel that we’ve let someone down while the rest of use are over achievers who want to do it all just for the experience and satisfaction.

For all of use who take on too much it is essential that we learn to say no when we need to. But first we need to realize when we need to.

If you don’t have at least 90 minutes to yourself each day and if you feel frazzled and rushed at least once everyday, you probably don’t say “no” often enough. Saying no is essential to our mental and physical health. But it is so hard to do when we want to do and be everything for everyone.

If willpower is not a problem for you, learning to say no may be as easy as limiting yourself to a certain number of activities. Perhaps you promise yourself to commit to more than two social events at one time.

If saying no is impossible or nearly impossible for you, you may have to resort to scheduling your time strictly and including time for yourself and time for relaxing. Stick to this schedule without fail. Do not permit anything to get in the way of time to destress.

It was once explained to me that if you are empty from giving to much eventually you’ll be unable to give anything. Taking care of yourself – good care, no great care – is the best thing you can do for the people you care for.

If you really need to crawl into it, start by saying no just one extra time a week to the duty or chore that you dislike the most and that you can delegate to someone else. Above all, until saying no when you want to or need to is a natural action to you, remember the mantra “Just Say No”