Howdy Stranger!
I’ve been gone a long time. 2009 was probably the worst year for my family that I can remember; financially, medically, emotionally, socially, everything.
But now I have decided to start blogging again. I’ve spent much of my time off thinking about the way I conduct my business - and my life – and the changes I want to and need to make. I thought 2010 would be a great chance for a clean slate. A new year, a new decade and almost endless possiblities (unless you believe the world is going to end in two years)
And then on January 2nd, 2010 my sister passed away. It was both expected and a shock if that makes any sense. To let you know this is the first time in my life I have lost anyone really close to my heart and there is nothing to describe the experience. First I couldn’t believe it – and still can’t to some degree. I’m angry about everything her life wasn’t and now will never be and sad about everything the world lost when she left it.
Finally I feel like I can carry her in my heart and honor her with the life I live and the choices I make. I still cry when I think of her but I also smile sometimes too. She was truly a beautiful person.
So here I am, ready to start the new year, ready to make some changes and face some fears. Most importantly I am ready to be more myself instead of what I think others want me to be.
What does this mean for Living My Big Dream? Well, first and foremost, I don’t think I have the same Big Dream that I once had. Financial freedom still holds great appeal but I’m not sure I’m willing to sacrifice everything I would have to in order to achieve it. I’m not sure what my current Big Dream is but I will let you know when I figure it out.
Second, I’m dropping the predetermined monthly subjects in order to make this more a personal account of what I deal with (and I’m sure many of you deal with) on a daily basis as a work-at-home parent with a busy household, personal demons to fight, bills to pay (so many bills!!) and social obligations to meet.
So many things affect our lives and none of them are in a vaccum. When money is low, health suffers; when schedules are overbooked, the household suffers; and when your daughter is invited to three birthday parties in one month, money suffers. So that is what I am going to write about from now on.
Some days the posts will be informative and in depth, other days they will be short and nothing more than me venting. Most of the time I’m going to shoot for something in between. Both a problem and a solution. I hope you all will be happy with the new direction of the blog. Of course I want to hear your comments about it either way.
In Loving Memory
“Maz”
June 10,1964 – January 2,2010
Footprints In The Sand
One night I dreamed a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord. Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.
When the last scene of my life shot before me I looked back at the footprints in the sand. There was only one set of footprints. I realized that this was at the lowest and saddest times of my life. This always bothered me and I questioned the Lord about my dilemma.
“Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I’m aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don’t understand why, when I need You most, You leave me.”
He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.”
Margaret Fishback Powers, 1964
