I know. That title isn’t great but I promise the story makes up for it.

A couple of weeks ago most of my family went to Florida on vacation during the school break. My less-than-a-month-from-seventeen year old son decided to stay home. After much consideration, conversation, and instruction we decided it would be all right for him to stay.

Before we left, myhusband and I asked a few neighbors to keep an eye on the place.

We were gone for about a week and I talked to my son every night that he was supposed to be at our house (he spent a couple of days at his dads) and everything seemed to be going smoothly.

until the night before we were coming home. During our scheduled nightly curfew call, he mentioned that the police had been called to the house earlier that evening.

Not what a mother wants to hear

Then he told me the whole story…..

For Christmas my son’s friend got a new t.v. and gave his old one to my son, Damien. That’s just the way him and his friends are, always giving each other stuff.

Since the beginning of the year Damien has really gotten interested in playing guitar. He got it into his mind to sell his XBox 360 in order to buy a new electric acustic guitar. Thinking he wouldn’t be needing his t.v. anymore he offered it to another friend.

So off the two kids go, rolling Damien’s t.v.  to his friend’s house on an old AV cart we had hanging around. In retrospect, not the smartest thing they’ve ever decided, but still not criminal.

Things didn’t start going wrong until they got to his friend’s house. For some reason, the friend’s father was convinced that the boys had stolen the television. Granted, it was a television on an AV cart and we live only three minutes away from a school. So I can kinda see where he was coming from. Anyway he completely freaks and tells the two of them to get that “hot” stuff out of his house.

So Damien and his friend turn around and start rolling the t.v. back to my house. They were in the process of bringing the television back into my son’s room when the police showed up. Someone (the father) had reported the boys and the “stolen” t.v.

The police listened to the boys story, wrote down the serial number of the television, and left. I never heard anything from the police at all.

So my son had the house to himself for a week and the cops get called on him for ….being a generous friend. I have to say that considering all the various reasons the police could be called on my son, that’s the one I would pick if I had to choose.

How many moms can say they are proud of the reason the cops were looking for their kid?

On a side note, the neighbors were watching the whole police scene from inside and talking to each other on cell phones trying to decide whether or not to call my husband and me. I can just picture them peeking out their windows, on phones, saying “Should we call them? Should we call them?”. In the end they decided to give my son the chance to do the right thing and tell us first.

Which, of course, he did.

Not only am I focusing on spring cleaning my home, I’m getting out the old online polishing cloth (not a real thing) and giving my online ventures a good old-fashioned once over. I plan on getting rid of broken links, updating advertiser info (such as Amazon which no longer pays affiliates in the Rhode Island area), updating biographical information and add pictures or ads before each post. I hope by the end I will be able to go forward and focus more on my priority project of setting up a life and career coaching service.

Let me know how your spring cleaning is going as well as any special tips you have for making any kind of major cleaning more successful.

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) is well known due to the dramatically increasing number of children diagnosed with it in the last twenty years. My son was one of those children. He was diagnosed with ADD about seven years ago. My niece was also diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder only a couple of years ago.

Some people say it is over-diagnosed at least and often misdiagnosed at worst. Critics say that kids are just being kids and it is the parents and teachers who don’t want to “deal” with them. Even when people agree that ADD exists, they don’t agree on what should be done to treat it. Some think medication teamed with cognitive behavioral therapy is the best option while others prefer an all-natural approach.

And all of that controversy has been brewing over children being diagnosed with ADD. Yet more and more adults are also finding that they suffer from the disorder. It is an unfortunate truth that most people have a very specific idea of what someone with ADD acts like – hyper, moving all the time, distracted, uninterested and impulsive. While it is true that children with Attention Deficit Disorder have a harder time focusing and can act out in impulsive ways, they are often very intelligent, highly creative and determined in their pursuits.

I remember one teacher telling me that my son “just didn’t care” about his schoolwork. Nothing could have been further from the truth. He cared very much, he just couldn’t….he just couldn’t. That’s what happens with a child is found to have ADD.

When an adult is diagnosed with ADD the jokes begin, people look at you with skepticism, and some don’t believe it at all. I was diagnosed with Adult ADD last autumn and believe it when I say it’s been an enlightening experience. Before a diagnoses could be made, my doctor asked me a bunch of questions and suggested that I pick up a certain book to read. The doctor asked my to pay special attention to whether  I felt like I could relate to the case studies; if they sounded like my life to me.

Well I was skeptical to say the least. After all I had done well in school as a child and no one had ever suggested that I had any problems focusing or paying attention. However while I was reading  the book, “Driven to Distraction” by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D. and John J. Ratey, M.D. I came across a list of suggested diagnostic criteria for ADD in adults. I was surprised at some of the behaviors on the list. Some of them weren’t at all what I would think of when thinking about ADD.

In order for a diagnosis of ADD to be considered, a person should display at least fifteen of the following on a consistent basis which impacts on their life.

Here are the twenty behaviors/characteristics:

1. A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one’s goals. A feeling of “I just can’t get my act together.”
2. Difficulty getting organized – more so than most people and in a way that seriously impacts their life.
3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
4. Many projects going simultaneously; trouble following through.
5. Tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
6. A frequent search for high stimulation – always on the lookout for something novel, different, engaging.
7. An intolerance of boredom – more like an extreme hatred of boredom.
8. Easy distractibility, trouble focusing, tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or conversation, often coupled with the ability to hyperfocus at times.
9. Often creative, intuitive, highly intelligent – obviously not a symptom but a noteworthy trait of adults with ADD.
10. Trouble in going through established channels or following “proper” procedure – this stems from boredom and frustration with doing routine things.
11. Impatient; low tolerance for frustration.
12. Impulsive, either verbally or in action, as in impulsive spending of money, changing plans, or starting new careers or jobs.
13. Tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly. Tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about. This is a perfect example of a behavior I would never have attributed to ADD.
14. Sense of insecurity. Chronically, no matter how stable their situation is.
15. Mood swings especially when disengaged from a person or project. Adults with ADD, more than children, are prone to unstable moods.
16. Restlessness – usually adults don’t display the full-blown hyperactivity that you see in children with the disorder. Instead you’ll see fidgeting, “nervous energy”
17. Tendency toward addictive behavior
18. Chronic problems with self-esteem – Adults with ADD tend to feel defective no matter how much success they have achieved.
19. Inaccurate self-observation – People with ADD do not accurately gauge the impact they have on other people. They usually see themselves as less effective or powerful than other people do. **This has been one of my major problems. For years people told me that I was a good writer and I thought they were crazy. When I first applies for freelance writing jobs, I was shocked that I got hired as often. Then I was amazed every time one of my employers would compliment my work.
20. Family history of ADD or manic-depressive illness or depression or substance abuse or other disorders of impulse control or mood.

Only fifteen needed for a diagnosis. I currently display 18 out of the 20. My doctor prescribed medication but drugs alone aren’t going to allow me to get where I need and want to be. Therefore I have to focus on mindfully changing my behaviors. Meanwhile I want to spread more accurate information about adult ADD.

If you are interested in more information on ADD in adults or children or how to diagnosis and treat ADD, here are some resources”

Helpguide.org

Wikipedia – Adult attention deficit hyperactive disorder

Adult ADD.info

There are so many people selling ebooks online and so many of them are just rehashed junk or so common sense that they are nearly useless. It is hard to know who’s offering useful information and who is just peddling trash.

Well I’ve found one website selling career guide ebooks (printed copies are available as well) that not only deliver what they promise…they over-deliver.

Fabjobs.com sells in depth ebooks about how to be….well almost anything. The topics offered vary from virutal assistant to cartoonist to wine shop owner. They have been selling online for more than ten years and I have personally bought at least half a dozen guides. I have always been impressed with how much information they offer and how easy it is to understand the content.

Many, if not most, of the careers Fabjobs write about do not require any special schooling or degrees. The guides are written by actual experts in the fields with short bios of the authors at the start of the book. Not only do the guides talk about what knowledge and skills go into each career but also how to start a business, market that business and succeed in that business. Additionally you’ll receive sample form templates that will be helpful if you decide to start a business in that field.

Each guide is usually about 200-300 pages long (at least the ones I’ve bought) and is downloaded as a pdf file readable with Adobe Acrobat Reader. You can preview a short sample of the ebook before you decide to buy and each guide comes with a 30 day money-back guarantee. If you don’t find the content meets your expectations, Fabjobs.com will refund your money.

Click Here to Discover How to Become a Published Writer

When I graduated from high school I thought I could finally wave goodbye to peer pressure. Imagine my surprise when ten years later I encountered a new kind of peer pressure – one my mother never warned me about. One I’m not sure even existed twenty years ago.

Parental peer pressure – that feeling that we’re not doing as good a job parenting because we’re not doing what Mr. and Mrs. ****** are doing. That tiny squirmy feeling in the pit of your stomach when so-and-so says “I never let my children watch Spongebob.” (or Hannah Montana or whatever).

The first time I realized I was falling victim to parental peer pressure (though nowhere near the first time I felt it) was when the issue of driving my sons to school came up. Personally I feel it is important for my sons to walk to school. Not only is it healthier for them I think it is important for them to know that I’m not a taxi and making them walk a little more than a mile is not child abuse. I do drive them when the weather is bad but otherwise they walk.

My son has a friend who get rides everyday – no matter what. Of course my son thinks this parent is really cool and much nicer than his mom. And he gets a ride with them every chance he gets.

Even though I think this is ridiculous – chauffeuring a perfectly healthy 16 year old to and from school, especially with all the concern about our children not getting enough exercise – I still feel guilty. After all I want my son to know that I care about him and want to do nice things for him.

I got over it. It wasn’t that hard when I realized my son would understand someday why I made him walk to school. I also made myself get over the lousy feeling I got when my son mentioned the homemade cookies his friend’s mom makes or the brand new xbox360s and iphones all of his friends seem to have.

That’s another really bad parental peer pressure going around – your children’s friends all have nicer things and experiences than you can provide. My family made the mistake (?) of moving into a nice neighborhood. We bought the worst house on the street and moved in because I wanted my children to have a nice safe neighborhood to grow up in.

Unfortunately this leads to a lot of so-and-so has this and that and went here and I wish I could too. It is getting better with my older kids now but it is just starting to get bad with my youngest.

I wish I could send my kids to summer camp but we just can’t afford that, especially with two boys about to get licenses and go off to college in a couple of years.

And braces. The whole braces thing has gotten completely out of hand if you ask me. When I was young only a few kids had braces. Only the kids with really bad teeth, wealthy parents, or a dentist for a parent. The rest of us dealt with having imperfect teeth.

Nowadays it seems every child needs braces and my boys were no exception. We spent nearly $5000 on the first stage of appliances despite my concern with them being on baby teeth. After all that we were told at least another $7600 would be needed to complete the work.

We didn’t have the money and insurance wouldn’t cover it. If braces are so important, as important as the dentist and orthodontist make them sound, why doesn’t insurance cover it? Or at least more of it? In any case, we had to say no. Something almost unheard of in this age of helicopter parenting. I felt terrible about the whole thing even though $12600 seems like a lot of money to spend on one mouth.

My parents never felt bad about the fact that they didn’t get my sisters and me braces. I know this because I asked them. When I was a little girl if you had a house, food, clothing and some toys your parents were doing their job. I shouldn’t have to feel this way either. But with parental peer pressure the way it is I wonder how badly my children will suffer because they couldn’t get braces like all of their peers.

It is time for American society to stop judging and start thinking about what being a good parent should really involve…

Patience, love, nurturing, teaching, trust and respect to start. Not ipods or iphones or laptops or uggs or braces or contacts or designer jeans. A parent needs to be caring and understanding and supportive. A parent needs to protect from harm and provide food, clothing and shelter.

Parenthood is about being not buying. My children may never be able to look back on the expensive toys and clothes they had as kids but they will be able to look back at the advice they’ve been given and the life lessons they have learned. They will never have to worry about whether they can take care of themselves or not because they know I have taught them that they can and how to do it.

And I don’t feel guilty about that.

Every year I’ve picked New Year resolutions and every year I have failed to keep them. I’ve tried every “strategy” under the sun and nothing has ever made them stick.

Changing my routine is difficult for me. Trying new things is difficult for me. And setting one specific day to turn my entire life around gives me anxiety attacks that require medication.

So this year I decided there was no way I was going to set myself up for another failure. No New Year Resolutions! I guess in a way that could be considered a resolution in itself but…oh well.

Then sometime during December I came across a blog that really opened my eyes. 100 Goals written by Stephen is a blog about a guy who is living his life directed by 100 goals that he wants to accomplish and the financial moves he has to make to do it. The blog was interesting enough but it was really the list of 100 goals that fired me up. And turned on a 100-watt light bulb in my head.

So I wrote my own list of 100 goals and created a Squidoo lens for them. It was harder than I thought. After about 85, I was scraping the barrel of things I want to do. Of course since then I have stumbled across a couple of new ones that I hadn’t thought of.

Some of the goals are pretty simple, i.e. milk a cow, while others are a bit more lofty, i.e earn my Master’s Degree. But all of them are things that I would like to do and think I can realistically accomplish….IF.

IF I lose the weight that I want to lose and work towards being physically fit.

IF I get my finances in order and dig myself out of debt.

IF I work towards increasing my income so that I can put money towards completing these goals.

So there are the things I normally stick on a New Year resolution list with no real motivation to stick to it. But with the goals behind it I’m working towards something so very specific that there isn’t wiggle room for excuses.

One point I want to make. This is NOT a bucket list. I have nothing against bucket lists and I thought the movie was pretty good but I have no intention of kicking anything anytime in the near or almost near future. In fact, if anything, this is an Avoiding the Bucket List since many of the goals require me to make positive changes that will surely increase my lifespan.

Also I plan on this being only the first of a couple (at least) of 100 Goals lists.

If you are feeling a little lost and unfocused, try choosing 100 goals. Put every super and silly thing you’ve ever wanted to do. My inspiration has “Hitchhike” on his list and I have “Dance in the nude” on mine. These goals don’t have to change the world – they are only meant to change your life. For the better.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. — Oscar Wilde

 A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my daughter who is in Kindergarten. She was talking about two little classmates who didn’t like her and wouldn’t let her be in their “club”. When I asked her why she couldn’t be in the club she said it was because she wasn’t wearing pink like the other little girls were.

My daughter didn’t really care. Kids get over these things quickly and since she has plenty of other friends in and out of the classroom, two girls don’t make much of a dent in her social life.

My oldest, who is now a junior in high school, has a similiar way of looking at things. Looking back he always has and I am proud that he doesn’t feel like he has to wear certain clothing, listen to certain music or do any other “certain” things to be part of the crowd.

I’m sort of the oddball in my family. I’m the baby (by almost a decade) and have always had a different way of looking at things and different interests than my mother and sisters. This led to a lot of insecurity on my part and a desperate desire to “measure up” in the eyes of my sister and mother who have very specific ideas of what a wife and mother should be like. Now don’t get me wrong, they aren’t openly critical of me. They always tell me not to worry about what my house looks like or what I do or don’t do in my life.

It’s all inside me. And starting this year I’ve decided I’m sick of it.

I am going to set my own standards, live by them and not worry about hiding who I really am. I can see that it has caused a lot of my social anxiety issues and I’m not going to take it anymore. I am who I am. And the funny thing is that, even though I’m not the “perfect” wife, mother, and woman, there are plenty of people who love me and think I’m great. Time for me to start doing that too.

 So a couple of weeks ago as I was picking my daughter up from school I was standing and talking with one of the other moms. My daughter ran out of school and asked if the other mom’s little girl could come over and play. I responded in a lighthearted way, “Not today Honey. You have to give me a couple of days notice to clean up before having a playdate.” In the past I would never had dared say something like that – even though it is true. To my surprise the other mom said the same thing and complimented me on being comfortable enough to admit it!!

And just think about it for a minute. Don’t you admire most the people who are real and true to themselves? People who don’t waste their time worrying about what other people will think or say about them? I know I do.

So be brave enough to just be yourself. There will be people who like you and those who don’t. The ones who don’t, don’t matter.

Some resources for Being Yourself:

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Yourself

 http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200804/dare-be-yourself

http://www.urbanmonk.net/318/the-power-of-being-yourself/